


Don't you need me?

by yourfavoriteshirt



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Sad Michael, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 11:40:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4178463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourfavoriteshirt/pseuds/yourfavoriteshirt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They all thought he was doing better. He was much, much worse, near the point of breaking down completely.<br/><br/><b>Michael relapses after a year clean, and the boys find out after a long night out.<b></b></b></p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't you need me?

They were all slightly dizzy, laughing at almost anything. Getting drunk on a night off was one of their favorite things, but due to the busy schedule, they couldn't fully enjoy themselves. Lounging next to the hotel pool, Luke sighed, glancing over at Michael, who complained that the pool was "too chilly for his delicate body". The boys all shrugged it off, knowing that Michael didn't like to swim, but Luke couldn't stop staring, noticing the small habits Michael had, like tugging at his sleeves.

Luke decided that he should stop watching Michael, in case Michael caught on, but that was until Michael threw his hands up and laughed, watching the other boys in the pool, and Luke noticed the thin red and pink lines running across his skin.

Luke looked into Michaels eyes, his mouth falling open slightly, and Michael looked over. Things were moving in slow motion as his laugh paused, and he brought his arm down, tugging at his sleeve, looking away from Luke as he stood up from his chair at the side of the pool.

K

"I'm gonna go shower, I feel gross." Michael said softly, and it wasn't a lie. He felt disgusted with himself. He knew Luke saw. 

Michael made his way inside, back to their room, and he shut himself in the bathroom, feeling like he couldn't breathe.

Carefully, he removed the case from his phone, his fingers shaking as the small blade fell into his fingers. It felt warm from the heat of his phone, and his heart raced as he set his phone on the counter, rolling up his sleeve. 

He quickly ran the metal across his skin, pressing it into his flesh as he did, and Michael sighed, repeating the action and he let his eyes close. 

The knock on the door startled him, and the voice startled him even more.

"Michael?" Luke asked softly, and Michael froze, glancing down st his arm. "Uh, I'll be out in a minute!" He called, putting toilet paper on his heavily bleeding wrist. "Shit." He whispered, glancing at the door. 

"Open the door, please?" Luke's voice was soft, and Michael sighed. "I can't." He said weakly, putting the blade in the drawer, and he faked a laugh. "I'm naked."

"Let me in or I'm breaking down the door."

Michael could hear the concern in his voice and he swallowed hard, pulling his sleeve down.

Michael opened the door, forcing a grin, and he stared at Luke. He was frowning, and he pushed past him, examining the bathroom before pushing the door closed.

"Show me your arm." Luke whispered, staring into Michaels eyes, and he shook his head in response.

"Youre acting weird." Michael said quietly, and Luke reached forward, grabbing Michaels arm. He winced and pulled away, his eyes watering.

Luke could feel his stomach churn, thinking back to the last time the boys had found out.

_Michael sat against the edge of the tub groggily, everything feeling numb as the red fluid trickled from different parts of him; his thighs, wrist, arm, tummy._

_It made him feel better almost, less like he was dying but more like he could breathe, parts of him missing until some of him was actually removed._

_His wrist burned as his hearing slowly faded, and he knew that he was going to faint. The noises around him were hard to identify, but he turned his head, seeing Ashton giving him a horrified look, the blood pooling around him, and Ashton was yelling. He was crying, and Michael stated crying, too, bringing his hands up to his face, only for blood to trickle onto his shirt, and Luke was the first to run into the room. ___

_"Babe, babe no." Luke whimpered, and Michael mumbled something that sounded like "I can't feel anything." or "I can feel everything." It was hard for Luke to remember exactly, today marking one year clean. ___

_Michael let his eyes close, his body shivering. "I went too deep." He choked out and opened his eyes to look into Luke's scared blue oceans. "I'm so sorry." ___

_Luke shook his head, his eyes watering, and he carefully lifted Michael up. "Gonna clean you up. You'll be okay." ___

_Calums whole body was shaking as he went to get fresh clothes for Michael, and Ashton couldn't move. Michael couldn't look at anyone but Luke, and Luke couldn't see anyone but Michael. ___

_Luke carefully cleaned Michaels wounds, wrapping them, and he eyed the blade sitting on the floor, his heart shattering as Michael let out a soft cry. He grabbed Luke's shirt, pulling Luke's body to his own and he his his face in his T-shirt as he sobbed, apologies falling from his lips. ___

_"Shh." Luke ran his hand through Michael's hair, shutting his eyes tight so he wouldn't cry. "You'll be okay, babe. We're gonna get you better, yeah?"_

_/ >  
_

_Michael nodded against Luke, his body shaking. ___

" Please let me see." Luke whimpered, and Michael's body started to shake.

Michael slowly lifted his sleeve, revealing the bloody cotton paper that was held against his wrist, and Luke gasped.

"Mikey, no." He whimpered, carefully taking his arm in his hand, and Michael looked into Luke's eyes, seeing the same sadness he saw a year ago. It killed him to hurt Luke, to hurt Ashton and Calum, to disappoint them.

Luke let his fingers run across the scabs on Michael's wrist, forming words, "fat, worthless, bad." Bad was the biggest word, and as his fingers delicately brushed against the word, Michael tried to hold back a sob, but he failed, his body falling into Luke's.

"I'm so sorry." He sobbed. Luke wrapped his arms around Michaels body, shushing him softly ad he ran his hands through his hair.

"You're okay. You're fine, babe, you're okay."

Luke held Michael for what felt like forever to the both of them, and Michael pulled away, staring into Luke's eyes, moving in closer until he could feel Luke's breath fanning over his face.

" Please don't hurt yourself." Luke whispered.

Michael nodded, his eyes moving down to look at Luke's lips. They looked soft, and Michael couldn't help but think how they'd feel against his own, and Luke had the same though, their lips gently pressed together.

Luke kissed Michael slowly, his hands still in his hair. Michael hummed needingly against Luke, trying to deepen the kiss, but Luke hesitantly pulled away.

"Please." Michael whimpered, trying to kiss Luke again, but Luke turned to the side. "You're making me feel alive. Please."

" Michael." He said softly, his hand going to lift Michaels chin. "I love you. Okay? But this isn't the time for that. I want you better forever, not just better for now. I'm not your distraction."

Michael gave a slow nod, his heart pounding. " I love you too, but you don't seem to get it."

Luke cocked his head to the side in confusion, taking his lip between his lip. "I don't.. I don't really know what you mean." 

Michael nodded. "I love you. And I've loved you the entire time I've known you. I've wanted to kiss you for _forever ___, and I want to kiss you for forever longer. I don't want to wait or waste any more time fucking random girls, hearing you fuck random girls. I want you not because you make me feel alive, but because I am alive and I simply want you, now and for as long as I can want you. I need you. I need you now, and I love you."

Luke pressed his lips hard against Michael's, startling him, and his fingers tangled in Michaels black hair, smiling against his mouth.

Michael kissed back, his hands on Luke's shoulders, pulling their bodies closer and he let out a soft moan as Luke ground his hips into Michael's, leaving them both breathless.

"Please never leave me." Michael whispered.

Luke nodded, their foreheads touching. "Never. I'll keep you safe."


End file.
